The weather is changing, there’s a hint of fall in the air, and that means the social season is just around the corner. Company events, family gatherings, holiday parties, networking mixers, tailgates and more will soon fill our calendars.

For some people, that sounds wonderful. For others, it sounds exhausting. If walking into a room full of people you don’t know makes your stomach tighten, you’re not alone. Social situations can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’re expected to introduce yourself, make conversation or mingle with people you’ve never met.

Our natural inclination is often to avoid that discomfort. But what if the very thing we’re trying to avoid is exactly what we need to build confidence?

I recently listened to a fascinating conversation between happiness expert Arthur Brooks and neuroscientist Andrew Huberman on the Huberman Lab podcast. Brooks explained that one of the essential ingredients of happiness is satisfaction, and satisfaction is closely connected to struggle, effort and accomplishment. In other words, some of the experiences that make us feel best about ourselves come from doing things that weren’t easy at all.

The Courage Behind Confidence

Think about the last time you accomplished something that genuinely made you proud. Chances are, it required something from you. Maybe you had to learn a new skill, have a difficult conversation, give a presentation, walk into a room where you knew no one or take a risk without knowing how things would turn out. The satisfaction came, at least partly, because it was hard.

Brooks makes the point that struggle isn’t necessarily an obstacle to happiness. Sometimes it’s part of the recipe. When we remove every obstacle and avoid every uncomfortable situation, we may also remove opportunities to experience the satisfaction that comes from overcoming them.

I believe confidence works much the same way. Confidence isn’t something we wait around to feel. More often, it’s something we earn through experience. We do something uncomfortable, survive it and realize, Well, I did that. Maybe I can do it again.

The Lost Art of Showing Up

That matters more than ever because we live in a world where avoiding social discomfort has become incredibly easy. We can work from home, order groceries online, have dinner delivered, text instead of call and attend meetings without ever leaving our desks. Technology has given us tremendous convenience, but it has also made it possible to go through much of our day without interacting with someone we don’t know.

The problem is that social confidence is a little like a muscle. If we don’t use it, it doesn’t get stronger. Walking into a room full of strangers can feel awkward. Starting a conversation with someone you don’t know takes courage. Making small talk, remembering someone’s name, joining a group or introducing yourself all require something from us, but they also build something in us.

Every time you walk into that event instead of staying home, introduce yourself instead of waiting for someone to approach you, or ask a thoughtful question instead of reaching for your phone, you gather evidence that says: I can do this. I’m capable. I belong here.

That’s genuine confidence. It doesn’t come simply from telling yourself you’re confident. It comes from proving to yourself, one experience at a time, that you can handle a little discomfort and come out stronger on the other side.

6 Ways to Build Confidence Through Intentional Discomfort

1. Do the hard thing before you feel completely ready. Prepare as much as you reasonably can, but don’t wait for the nervousness to disappear before you act. Sometimes we think confidence has to come first, when in reality confidence is often the result of taking action.

2. Start small and build. You don’t have to work the entire room or meet everyone at the event. Start one conversation. Introduce yourself to one person. Stay 30 minutes instead of skipping the event altogether. Small successes give you something to build upon.

3. Decide how you want to show up. Give yourself a simple goal before you enter the room: I’m going to introduce myself to two people. Or, I’m going to ask good questions and really listen to the answers. A specific intention gives you something productive to focus on instead of worrying about how you’re being perceived.

4. Get comfortable being a little uncomfortable. Your palms may sweat. You may stumble over someone’s name. There may be an awkward pause in the conversation. None of that means you don’t belong there. It simply means you’re stretching yourself and doing something that doesn’t yet feel completely natural.

5. Notice what you accomplished. Afterward, resist the temptation to critique everything you said or replay the awkward moments. Instead, think about what went well. Maybe you introduced yourself to someone new, had three interesting conversations, made someone laugh or learned something about another person. Give yourself credit for showing up and making the effort.

6. Remember that the effort is part of the reward. There is a particular satisfaction that comes from doing something you weren’t sure you could do. The next time you face a similar situation, you have evidence from experience that you can handle it. That’s how confidence grows, little by little, one uncomfortable experience at a time.

The Season Ahead

As we move into the busy social season, you may be tempted to decline an invitation or retreat to a familiar face once you arrive. Instead, challenge yourself to stay with the discomfort a little longer. Walk across the room, say hello, introduce yourself, and start a conversation.

You don’t have to be the most charismatic person in the room or impress everyone you meet. You simply have to show up and practice. With each experience, the discomfort lessens and your confidence grows.

So, the next time you’re tempted to sit something out because it feels uncomfortable, say yes instead. Show up. Make the first move. Start the conversation. You may discover that what you’ve been avoiding is exactly what you need to become more confident.

After all, sometimes the only way to become more comfortable is to be willing to be uncomfortable first.

Last week, I wrote about something I’m calling the hybrid confidence gap: the uncertainty that can creep in when we divide our working lives between home and the office.

We may wonder whether we’re visible enough, connected enough, or missing opportunities simply because we’re not always in the room.

The solution isn’t necessarily returning to the office five days a week. It’s learning how to show up confidently wherever you happen to be.

In fact, I believe hybrid work requires more intentional professional presence, not less. Here are six ways to strengthen yours.

1. Create Rituals Around Your Transitions

One minute you’re presenting to senior leadership, and ten minutes later you’re unloading the dishwasher. That constant switching between our professional and personal lives can affect how we feel and how we show up.

Create a ritual that tells your brain, I’m at work now. Get dressed. Take a short walk. Make your coffee. Close the door to your workspace. On office days, use your commute to mentally prepare. Small rituals can help you step into your professional identity with greater confidence.

2. Be Visible Without Overcompensating

Being visible doesn’t mean staying late, saying yes to everything, or constantly proving how busy you are. It means contributing.

Speak up in meetings. Ask thoughtful questions. Share ideas. Let people know what you’re working on and what you’ve accomplished. Visibility isn’t about being the loudest person in the room. It’s about making your contribution clear.

3. Communicate Intentionally When You’re Remote

Silence can sometimes be mistaken for disengagement, so don’t disappear on the days you work from home. Share appropriate updates, respond within a reasonable amount of time, and participate in virtual meetings.

And when you’re on a call, be present. Close the other tabs. Put down your phone. Look into the camera and listen. People can tell when they have your attention.

4. Protect Your Focused Work Time

One of the greatest advantages of working remotely is the opportunity for uninterrupted concentration. Use it.

Save work that requires deep thinking, writing, analysis, planning, or creativity for the environment where you can do it best. You don’t need to “make up” for not being in the office by being constantly available. Quality work builds credibility, too.

5. Make Your Office Days About People

If you commute to the office only to sit behind a closed door answering email all day, you’re missing one of the greatest advantages of being there.

Have lunch with colleagues. Stop by someone’s office. Schedule collaborative meetings. Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know. Those seemingly insignificant interactions create relationships, and relationships create opportunities.

6. Ask for Feedback and Stay Connected

Don’t wait for an annual review to find out how you’re doing. Check in with your manager, ask for feedback, talk about your goals, and make sure the right people understand what you’re contributing.

And don’t make every interaction about work. Ask about someone’s weekend. Celebrate a colleague’s success. Send a note just to say hello. Relationships need a little breathing room.

Stop Measuring Up.
Start Showing Up.

Hybrid work gives us more opportunities to compare ourselves with things we can’t see: Who is getting more face time with the boss? Who seems more connected? What conversations am I missing?

That kind of measuring can slowly erode confidence.

Instead, concentrate on what you can control. Be visible. Be engaged. Build relationships. Speak up. Do excellent work. And when you’re with people, give them your full presence.

You don’t have to be in the office every day to make your presence count. But in a hybrid world, you do have to be intentional about how you show up.

Because professional presence has never been about simply being seen. It’s about making a positive impact when you are.

I was talking with a client recently who told me she loves working from home a few days a week. She enjoys the flexibility, the quiet, and the ability to focus without constant interruptions. But then she admitted something else.

“I feel like I’m half committed at the office and half at home. I worry that my team doesn’t see me enough and that I’ll get passed over for opportunities.”

I suspect she’s not alone. Hybrid work has given us tremendous flexibility, but it has also created something we don’t talk about nearly enough: a confidence gap.

When you’re no longer consistently present in one place, it can become harder to build relationships, maintain visibility, read the room, and feel like you’re truly part of something. Before long, you may start wondering: Do they know what I’m contributing? Am I missing something by not being there? Does my boss notice the people who come into the office more often?

Out of Sight Can Feel Like Out of Mind

On the days you work from home, you may be incredibly productive, yet much of that productivity happens quietly. Your colleagues don’t see you preparing the presentation, solving the problem, or putting in the extra effort.

You also miss some of the small interactions that happen naturally when people share a physical space: the hallway conversation, the spontaneous lunch invitation, the five-minute chat before a meeting, or the colleague who stops by and says, “I’d love your opinion on something.”

Those little moments matter more than we realize. They build relationships, create visibility, and provide small but important signals that say, You’re part of this. Your opinion matters. When those signals disappear, it’s easy to fill the silence with self-doubt.

There’s also the issue of proximity. People who spend more time physically around leaders may naturally receive more face time, information, and opportunities. It doesn’t necessarily mean anyone is deliberately excluding remote employees. Sometimes the person who happens to be in the room simply gets remembered.

That can leave someone working remotely wondering, Do I have to be there to matter?

When Relationships Become Transactional

Another challenge of hybrid work is that communication can become much more task-oriented: “Can you send me the report?” “Are you available at 2:00?” “Here’s the revised presentation.”

We become very efficient, but efficiency isn’t the same thing as connection. When we lose the casual conversations that happen naturally in person, relationships can become transactional. And when relationships weaken, our sense of belonging can weaken with them.

Virtual communication also leaves more room for interpretation. A short email, delayed response, or camera that suddenly goes off can cause us to wonder, Was she annoyed with me? Did I say something wrong? Why hasn’t he responded? Without body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, we sometimes fill in the blanks ourselves.

It’s Harder to Read the Room

This particularly concerns me for younger professionals because we learn an enormous amount about workplace culture simply by watching other people. We observe how experienced leaders enter a meeting, disagree without becoming disagreeable, handle a difficult client, make conversation, and build relationships.

These are the unwritten lessons of professional life. When you spend several days a week working alone, there are fewer opportunities to observe them.

Even speaking up can become more difficult. On a video call, it can be awkward knowing when to jump into the conversation. A few strong personalities may dominate, so you think, I’ll just stay quiet. But the less you contribute, the less visible you become, and the easier it is to question whether your voice matters.

That’s the hybrid confidence gap.

The good news is that hybrid work doesn’t have to diminish your confidence. But it does require us to think differently about professional presence.

In Part 2, I’ll share six ways to stay visible, connected, and confident, whether you’re working across the hall or across town.

I was at an event recently when I noticed a woman standing alone near the bar. She was holding a drink and looking around the room, seemingly uncertain about what to do next.

I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her mind. Did she want to meet people but have no idea how to begin? Was she shy or introverted? Was she waiting for someone to approach her? Or was she simply thinking, “Now what?”

Many of us have experienced a moment like that. We walk into a room filled with unfamiliar faces and suddenly forget how to introduce ourselves, join a conversation, or make a graceful exit. We know networking is important, but knowing that doesn’t necessarily make it feel comfortable.

Why Networking Feels So Uncomfortable

According to a global LinkedIn survey, nearly 80% of professionals believe networking is important to career success. Yet 38% say they find it difficult to stay in touch with their network. The survey also found that more than one-third of professionals struggle with knowing what to say when reconnecting.

The discomfort isn’t always about shyness. For many people, networking can feel transactional, as if they are trying to sell themselves or get something from someone else. They may worry, “What if I sound self-serving?” “What if I look awkward?” or “How do I politely end a conversation without offending someone?”

Most of my clients tell me they aren’t actually afraid of networking. They’re afraid of the awkwardness that sometimes comes with it. What they need is a simple framework to help them know what to do next.

That’s where MINGLE comes in.

Introducing the MINGLE Framework

Your goal at a networking event isn’t to “work” the room. Your goal is to read the room. Look for possibilities, notice who might welcome a conversation, and make the room feel a little warmer, one genuine interaction at a time.

MINGLE is a simple, memorable framework that can help you do exactly that.

M: Make the First Move

Don’t wait for someone else to approach you. Take the initiative by smiling, making eye contact, and introducing yourself. You might say, “Hello, I’m Jacqueline. What brings you to the event?” It doesn’t have to be clever or complicated. It simply needs to open the door to conversation.

Confidence often begins with the willingness to say hello. You may feel anxious at first, but you take that first step anyway. That isn’t fearlessness. That’s courage.

I: Initiate With Curiosity

Instead of worrying about what to say or how impressive you need to sound, become curious about the other person. Ask open-ended questions that go beyond the predictable “What do you do?”

You might ask, “What brought you here tonight?” “What are you working on that excites you?” or “What do you enjoy doing when you’re not working?” Curiosity is magnetic because people enjoy talking with someone who shows a genuine interest in them.

N: Notice What Matters

Good networkers are good observers. They pay attention to names, body language, tone of voice, common interests, and the small details people share. They also notice when someone is standing alone and may appreciate being included.

When you remember a name or refer to something a person mentioned earlier, you send a powerful message: “I heard you. You matter.” Making someone feel seen is one of the strongest foundations for building a meaningful connection.

G: Give Before You Get

This is the game changer. Look for ways to be helpful before asking for anything in return. Make an introduction, share a useful resource, offer encouragement, or simply give someone your full attention.

Giving doesn’t have to involve a grand gesture. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can offer is your interest, your time, or your willingness to include someone who feels out of place. When you approach networking with a giving mindset, it stops feeling transactional and starts feeling authentic.

L: Listen for Connection

Listen for the threads that could lead somewhere meaningful. You may discover a shared interest, a mutual acquaintance, a business need, an upcoming project, or an opportunity to help.

Real networking isn’t about collecting as many business cards as possible or speaking with everyone in the room. It’s about discovering genuine points of connection and giving those connections room to grow.

E: Extend the Relationship

A conversation at an event is only the beginning. If you would like to stay in touch, take the next step. Connect on LinkedIn, send the article you mentioned, make the introduction you promised, or invite the person to continue the conversation over coffee.

Be specific and follow through promptly. A brief message such as, “It was a pleasure meeting you last night. I enjoyed our conversation about Italian cuisine, and here is the article I mentioned,” can help turn a pleasant encounter into a lasting professional relationship.

The Confidence That Comes From Structure

When you have a simple framework, you no longer have to stand by the bar wondering what to do next. You have a clear path to follow, from making the first move to extending the relationship. And with each step, networking begins to feel a little easier and more natural.

The secret isn’t to impress everyone in the room. It’s to spend less time worrying about how you’re coming across and more time helping other people feel comfortable, included, and valued. When you bring the best and most genuine version of yourself into the conversation, confidence and connection begin to emerge naturally.

So, the next time you walk into a room full of unfamiliar faces, remember to MINGLE. You never know where one warm hello might lead.

Last summer, I hired an 18-year-old intern to help manage my social media. Three weeks later, she sent me a text asking for a raise because she needed money to pay for car insurance. I was stunned. I couldn’t imagine asking for a raise after only three weeks on the job, especially for a personal expense. Needless to say, I declined her request.

Since then, I’ve heard similar stories from leaders and business owners across the country.

“I’ve never worked with people like this before.”

They’re talking about Gen Z. The young professionals entering today’s workforce often seem to lack basic workplace skills. Many avoid eye contact, struggle with small talk, ask questions previous generations would never have considered asking, and don’t always understand the unwritten rules of the workplace.

But after working with thousands of emerging professionals over the years, I’ve come to believe we’re looking at this the wrong way.

This Isn’t a Gen Z Problem. It’s a Transition Problem

Some employers see these behaviors as entitlement or a lack of professionalism. I see something different.

This is the first generation to enter the workforce after years of unprecedented disruption. They experienced COVID-19, remote learning, highly structured educational environments, and fewer opportunities to develop the social skills that earlier generations learned naturally.

Think about how most of us learned to navigate work. We picked things up during hallway conversations, lunch breaks, after-work gatherings, and casual conversations with coworkers. We watched experienced professionals lead meetings, handle conflict, build relationships, and earn promotions. Nobody formally taught us these things. We learned by observing.

Many Gen Z employees never had those experiences.

Add to that the significant rise in social anxiety among young adults, and it’s no surprise that many are technically capable but socially uncertain.

They’re not less talented. They’re simply entering the workplace without the same roadmap many of us received.

Six Things Every Leader Should Know About Gen Z

1. They’re learning about real life for the first time.

What feels like common sense to you, such as greeting colleagues, making conversation, disagreeing respectfully, or introducing yourself with confidence, may be completely new to them.

Don’t assume they know. Teach them. Your role is to be a mentor, not a critic.

2. Their anxiety is real.

Research shows that Gen Z experiences higher levels of social anxiety than previous generations, particularly around phone calls, face-to-face conversations, networking, and public speaking.

When they prefer written communication or seem hesitant in social situations, many aren’t avoiding work. They’re managing genuine anxiety. A little patience and coaching can go a long way.

3. They value transparency.

Gen Z is more likely to ask why. Why didn’t I get the promotion? Why did someone else receive the opportunity? Why is this policy in place?

Those questions can feel challenging, but they don’t necessarily come from entitlement.

They grew up in a world where information was always available. They naturally expect more transparency at work.

That creates an opportunity to explain that workplaces involve nuance, judgment, timing, and circumstances that aren’t always visible.

Life is not always fair and not every decision has a simple answer.

4. They crave feedback.

If Gen Z frequently asks, “How am I doing?” it doesn’t mean they’re insecure. They grew up receiving constant feedback through grades, comments, and evaluations. Silence at work can feel confusing.

Regular, specific feedback helps build confidence, strengthen performance, and reduce uncertainty.

5. Structure helps them succeed.

School provided clear schedules, expectations, deadlines, and measurable outcomes. The workplace often doesn’t.

Many young professionals aren’t struggling because they’re lazy. They’re struggling because nobody explained the rules of the game. Clear expectations, consistent communication, and defined goals provide the structure they need to thrive.

6. Their technical skills are often excellent. Their people skills simply need more practice.

This generation brings valuable technical abilities to the workplace. What many are missing isn’t competence. It’s confidence.

The interpersonal side of business, including communication, executive presence, relationship building, and navigating workplace culture, takes time to develop.

Those skills aren’t inherited. They’re taught.

What This Means for Leaders

The most effective leaders aren’t the ones complaining that Gen Z is too sensitive or doesn’t work hard enough. They’re the ones investing in this generation.

They recognize that today’s young professionals need something previous generations often learned by accident: explicit coaching in professional etiquette, workplace communication, relationship building, and the unwritten rules of business.

That’s not coddling. That’s leadership.

When you take the time to teach a young employee how to introduce themselves, navigate a difficult conversation, build relationships, or understand your organization’s culture, you’re giving them something incredibly valuable.

You’re handing them the playbook. More importantly, you’re helping them build confidence.

And confident employees are more engaged, more loyal, more productive, and far more likely to become the next generation of great leaders.

So instead of asking, “What’s wrong with Gen Z?” Perhaps we should be asking, “What can we teach them that no one ever taught them before?”

Next week on The Confidence Code: Part 2 – Helping Gen Z Thrive: 10 Ways Leaders Can Build Their Confidence. We’ll dive into practical strategies you can implement immediately to mentor, support, and empower the next generation of professionals.

Most people think etiquette is about which fork to use, how to sit properly, or what to wear to a business dinner. I used to think that, too.

But after nearly three decades of teaching business etiquette, I can tell you it’s about so much more than table manners or formal protocols. At its core, modern etiquette is about three things: authenticity, social intelligence, and intentional communication.

And in today’s distracted world, these skills have never been more rare, or more valuable.

The Connection Deficit We’re Not Acknowledging

We’re living through what I call a connection deficit, and most of us aren’t even aware it’s happening. We’re always engaged in something; either scrolling, multitasking, or half-listening while checking our phones.

But think about it. When was the last time you had a truly meaningful conversation? A real phone call that wasn’t rushed or squeezed between other tasks?

Technology has made communication easier, but connection more difficult. We can reach anyone instantly, yet we struggle to truly be present with the person right in front of us.

My mother was a hairdresser for 50 years. She built a thriving business not just on technical skill, but on relationships. Her clients came back because they liked and trusted her. They opened up to her because she listened. Truly listened.

By watching her, I learned something that has stayed with me ever since: when you pay attention, people will tell you everything you need to know. And then some.

That lesson is the foundation of what etiquette really is: respect expressed through attention.

Why Attention Pays in Professional Life

In a world increasingly shaped by AI and automation, connection has become currency. The ability to build authentic relationships is what sets people apart. And building relationships begins with something surprisingly simple: paying attention.

When you remember details someone shared about their life, when you follow up on a conversation you had weeks ago, when you put your phone away and make eye contact; these aren’t just nice gestures. They’re professional advantages that build trust, deepen relationships, and create opportunities.

6 Ways to Practice Modern Etiquette

1. Master the Lost Art of the Phone Call

When was the last time you actually called someone instead of texting or emailing? Phone calls create connections that digital messages can’t replicate. Practice calling people for important conversations, to check in genuinely, or simply to hear someone’s voice. This simple act sets you apart in a text-heavy world.

2. Be Fully Present in Conversations

Put your phone on silent and out of sight during conversations. Make eye contact. Listen without planning your response while the other person is speaking. Notice what they’re actually saying, and what they’re not saying. This complete attention is the most valuable gift you can give in a distracted world.

3. Follow Up Meaningfully

Don’t let connections fade after one interaction. Follow up on things people mentioned: their project, their promotion, their excitement about something. Reference previous conversations. This demonstrates you were actually listening and that the person matters beyond a transactional exchange.

4. Rediscover the Handwritten Note

A handwritten thank-you note or message of appreciation is so rare now that it creates lasting impact. Keep quality note cards and stamps on hand. Write brief, specific notes acknowledging people’s contributions or expressing genuine appreciation. People remember these small, yet powerful, gestures.

5. Learn To Read the Room

Pay attention to the unspoken dynamics around you. Notice shifts in energy, who is engaged, who is quiet, and who may need to be brought into the conversation. Strong professionals know when to step forward and when to step back. This level of awareness is what separates those who simply participate from those who truly lead.

6. Ask Yourself Daily: What Impact Do I Want to Have?

Before walking into any meeting or interaction, pause and ask yourself, “What kind of impact do I want to have today?” This simple question shifts your focus from performance to presence, and from what you can get to what you can give.

The Etiquette That Actually Matters

Good etiquette isn’t about perfection or performance. It’s about being relational instead of transactional.

It’s about recognizing that the most important business conversations don’t happen in boardrooms—they happen over meals, during breaks, in quiet moments between meetings. That’s where trust is built and relationships are strengthened.

In today’s competitive world, being competent isn’t enough. You must be able to connect, build trust, and work effectively with people from all walks of life. And that begins with the simplest, most powerful tool you have: your attention.

After nearly every conference or networking event, I hear the same thing: “It was wonderful… I met so many great people.”

And then? Silence.

Connections fade. Business cards gather dust. LinkedIn requests are sent without context—or worse, not sent at all. The opportunity quietly slips away.

Here’s what I’ve learned after decades of interviewing professionals across myriad industries: the real magic doesn’t happen at the event; it happens after it.

The follow-up is where relationships are nurtured, trust is built, and opportunities are created. In fact, I often say, visibility creates opportunity, but connection creates results.

Why Follow-Up Matters More Than Ever

We are living in a time where everyone is visible: online, on social media, and at events. But very few people are truly connected.

As I often remind my clients, modern etiquette is rooted in intentional communication and meaningful connection, not just surface-level interaction. The follow-up is your opportunity to stand out in a crowded, distracted world. It shows that you were present, that you listened, and that you value the relationship beyond a fleeting moment.

And the best part? It doesn’t have to be complicated or sales-driven. In fact, the most effective follow-ups are rooted in something much simpler: genuine interest and a spirit of support.

The 24–48 Hour Rule

Timing matters.

A thoughtful follow-up within 24 to 48 hours keeps the connection fresh while demonstrating professionalism and initiative. Wait too long, and the moment loses its warmth.

But here’s the key: make it personal.

Instead of a generic “Nice to meet you,” try:

• “It was such a pleasure speaking with you at the leadership panel. I really enjoyed our conversation about expanding into new markets.”

Specificity signals sincerity. And sincerity builds trust.

6 Practical Ways to Master the Art of the Follow-Up

Here are a few simple, effective ways to integrate follow-up into your personal and professional life:

1. Personalize Every Message Avoid copy-and-paste communication. Reference something meaningful from your interaction; maybe a shared interest, a topic discussed, or even a moment of introspection or laughter. This shows you were paying attention, which is one of the greatest forms of respect.

2. Extend a “Virtual Coffee” Invitation You don’t need an agenda or a sales pitch. A simple invitation such as, “I’d love to continue our conversation. Would you be open to a quick virtual coffee?” opens the door to a deeper connection.

3. Engage Thoughtfully on LinkedIn Social media is called social for a reason. Support others by:

• Commenting on their posts
• Sharing their achievements
• Writing a recommendation
• Sending articles or opportunities that align with their interests

These small gestures keep you top of mind, without being intrusive.

4. Celebrate and Acknowledge Milestones Did someone receive an award? Start a new role? Celebrate a birthday? Reach out and say, “Congratulations” or “Thinking of you.”

These moments create natural touchpoints that strengthen relationships over time.

5. Follow Up With No Strings Attached This is perhaps the most important principle. Approach your follow-up with the mindset of “How can I support you?” rather than “What can I gain?”

When you lead with generosity, people remember, and reciprocity often follows organically.

6. Stay Consistent, Not Overwhelming You don’t need to follow up every week. But you do need to stay visible. A thoughtful message every few months, a comment on a post, or sharing something relevant is enough to maintain the relationship.

Building Trust in a Virtual World

One of the most common concerns I hear is: “How do I stay connected without sounding salesy?”

The answer is simple: focus on the relationship, not the transaction.

Ask thoughtful questions:

• “What are you working on right now that excites you?”
• “How can I support your goals this quarter?”

Remember, trust is built through consistency, attentiveness, and genuine care.

A Final Thought

People often underestimate the power of a simple follow-up. But in my experience, it is one of the most overlooked—and most impactful—professional skills.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t just about who you meet.

It’s about who you remember… who you nurture… and who you continue to show up for.

So the next time you leave a conference, finish a meeting, or make a new connection, ask yourself: “What small step can I take today to keep this relationship alive?”

You may be surprised at what unfolds. After all, the fortune truly is in the follow-up.

According to research, approximately 40-50% of participants keep their cameras off during a virtual meeting. That’s shocking to me. In some organizations, particularly those with younger team members, that number climbs even higher.

I understand the impulse. Virtual fatigue is real. Social anxiety around appearing on camera is genuine, especially for Gen Z professionals who may feel uncomfortable with constant video presence. But here’s what I teach my clients: in today’s hybrid and remote work environment, your virtual presence isn’t optional; it’s essential to your professional credibility and career advancement.

When your camera is off, you’re not just invisible. You’re signaling disengagement, lack of confidence, or disinterest in the conversation. Whether you think that’s fair or not, that’s the message received.

Why Virtual Presence Matters More Than Ever

Virtual connection isn’t going away. For many of us, the majority of our professional interactions now happen through screens. How you show up virtually directly impacts how colleagues, clients, and leaders perceive your confidence, competence, and commitment.

The professionals who thrive in this environment aren’t necessarily the most tech-savvy. They’re the ones who’ve mastered the art of commanding presence through a camera lens.

6 Strategies for Confident Virtual Presence

1. Always Turn Your Camera On

Unless you’re in an extenuating circumstance (bandwidth issues, private location concerns, or you are driving), your camera should be on. This is non-negotiable for building credibility and connection. People trust what they can see. When you’re visible, you’re present. When you’re a black box with a name, you’re forgettable.

2. Optimize Your Camera Position and Lighting

Position your camera at eye level: stack books under your laptop if necessary. Looking down at your camera creates an unflattering angle. Natural light from a window facing you is ideal, but if that’s not possible, invest in a ring light or desk lamp positioned in front of you. Good lighting makes you look polished, alert, and professional. Poor lighting makes you look tired or unprepared.

3. Make Eye Contact with the Camera

Look at your camera lens when speaking, not at the faces on your screen. This creates the illusion of eye contact for your audience. It feels awkward at first, but it dramatically increases your perceived engagement and confidence.

4. Use the Chat Feature Strategically

The chat feature isn’t just for side conversations, it’s a tool for adding value. It’s a great way to introduce yourself, share relevant links, acknowledge good points made by others, ask clarifying questions, or offer supportive comments. Active chat participation demonstrates engagement even when you’re not speaking. Just ensure your contributions are professional and relevant, not distracting.

5. Create a Professional Background

Your background matters. Keep it clean, uncluttered, and professional. If your home environment isn’t camera-ready, consider using a portable green screen (widely available on Amazon) and a professional virtual background. Green screens became ubiquitous during COVID for good reason: they’re affordable, portable, and create a polished appearance regardless of your actual location.

6. Include Your Professional Information in Your Profile

Update your Zoom, Teams, or platform display name to include relevant information, and add your LinkedIn URL or website to your profile settings where possible. Make it easy for people to learn more about who you are and connect with you professionally after the meeting ends.

The Connection That Builds Careers

Virtual presence isn’t about performing or being “on” constantly. It’s about showing respect for others’ time and attention by being fully present yourself. In a world where so much professional interaction happens through screens, your virtual presence is your professional brand.

Turn your camera on. Show up with intention. Command the confidence you deserve, one virtual meeting at a time.

Last week, we explored how to lead meetings that build confidence. This week, let’s talk about the other side: how to attend meetings in ways that enhance your professional presence and demonstrate respect for everyone’s time.

Here’s something I want you to remember: if you’re invited to a meeting, you’re there for a purpose. Your opinion matters. Your contribution is valued. The question isn’t whether you should participate; it’s how to do so with confidence and professionalism.

Why Meeting Attendance Matters

How you show up to meetings directly impacts how others perceive your professionalism, engagement, and value to the organization. Poor attendance habits, such as: showing up unprepared, distracted, or disengaged undermine your credibility. Excellent attendance habits build your reputation as someone who adds value and respects others’ time.

6 Ways to Attend Meetings with Confidence and Respect

1. Arrive Early and Prepared

Plan to arrive five to ten minutes early. This gives you time to find the room, park, check your appearance, gather your thoughts, and handle any last-minute needs like visiting the restroom. Walking into a meeting rushed and flustered undermines your presence before you’ve said a word. Arriving early signals respect for yourself and the other attendees’ time.

2. Wait to Be Seated (Especially as a Guest)

Don’t just sit anywhere in a conference room. When you’re a guest in someone else’s office or meeting, wait to be invited to sit or ask: “Where would you like me to sit?” The head of the table or seats closest to the leader often carry significance. Asking shows awareness and respect for organizational dynamics.

3. Come with Pen and Paper, Not Just Your Phone

Bring a notebook and pen to take notes. If you must use a laptop or tablet, confirm in advance that it’s appropriate. Taking notes on your phone can appear as though you’re texting or checking messages, even when you’re not. Physical note-taking shows engagement and eliminates any ambiguity about your attention.

4. Participate Purposefully

If you’re invited to a meeting, you’re expected to contribute. Share your feedback, knowledge, and perspectives. Don’t wait to be called on. Instead, look for natural openings to add value. However, be mindful not to dominate the conversation. The goal is meaningful contribution, not monopolizing time. Listen as much as you speak.

5. Introduce Yourself When Appropriate

If you’re new to the group, don’t wait passively to be introduced. When there’s a natural opening, introduce yourself: “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Sara Chen from the marketing team.” This proactive approach demonstrates confidence and makes it easier for others to engage with you. Taking initiative shows professional maturity.

6. Mind the Small Details That Matter

No gum or tobacco chewing during meetings (yes, I’ve seen it all). Silence your phone completely and keep it out of sight. If you’re expecting an important text or phone call, step out of the room to respond. Texting while others are talking is distracting and unprofessional. Don’t engage in side conversations while someone else is speaking. These may seem like minor points, but they significantly impact how others perceive your professionalism and respect for the meeting.

Bonus: Always Thank the Host

Before leaving, thank whoever organized or led the meeting: “Thank you for including me” or “I appreciate your time today.” This simple gesture acknowledges their effort and reinforces your professionalism.

The Confidence in Contribution

Remember, you weren’t invited to meetings to be a passive observer. You’re there because someone believes you have something valuable to offer. Honor that belief by showing up prepared, engaged, and ready to contribute.

When you attend meetings with intention and respect, you build a reputation as someone who adds value, respects

I was recently honored to speak to a room of 425 veterans about business etiquette. Before my presentation, about a fourth of those attendees completed a survey asking: “What are your biggest challenges in business right now?”

The responses surprised me. Yes, technology came up. But overwhelmingly, people talked about meetings—specifically, meetings that waste their time, where they’re spoken over, where others aren’t prepared, or where attendees are visibly disengaged, tapping away on phones while someone is presenting.

These aren’t just frustrations. They’re confidence killers, both for the person running the meeting and for those attending.

As someone who’s conducted countless meetings over my career, I’ve learned that how you lead a meeting directly impacts everyone’s sense of value, engagement, and professional confidence. When you run meetings well, you create environments where people feel heard, respected, and motivated to contribute their best thinking.

Why Meeting Leadership Matters for Confidence

A poorly run meeting sends a message: your time doesn’t matter, your preparation doesn’t matter, and your contribution doesn’t matter. Over time, this erodes confidence across your entire team.

Conversely, when you lead meetings with intention and respect, you build confidence all around: in yourself as a leader and in your team members as valued contributors. People leave feeling energized rather than depleted, clear rather than confused.

6 Ways to Conduct Meetings That Build Confidence

1. Send a Clear Agenda in Advance

If people don’t know what the meeting is about ahead of time, they’ll feel it’s a waste of time. They won’t have context, they can’t prepare thoughtfully, and they’ll show up confused. Send your agenda at least 24-48 hours before the meeting, outlining what you’ll discuss, what you need from attendees, and what decisions need to be made.

2. Start and End on Time

This is a big one. Respecting people’s time is the foundation of respectful meetings. Start promptly, even if not everyone has arrived; this trains people that your meetings begin as scheduled. End on time, or better yet, end early. When you honor time boundaries, you show that you value everyone’s capacity and commitments.

3. Come Prepared (and Expect Others To Do the Same)

Nothing undermines confidence faster than a leader who hasn’t prepared for their own meeting. Review materials beforehand, know what outcomes you’re seeking, and have any necessary data or resources ready. When you’re prepared, you model the standard and give others permission to show up equally ready.

4. Create Space for Every Voice

Some people love the limelight and will dominate if you let them. Your job as the meeting leader is to ensure everyone invited has an opportunity to contribute. Directly invite quieter participants: “Sarah, I’d love to hear your perspective on this.” When someone is interrupted, redirect: “Let’s let Marcus finish his thought.” This creates psychological safety where confidence can flourish.

5. Establish and Enforce Technology Boundaries

Address device usage directly: “I’d like everyone to close laptops and silence phones so we can be fully present for this discussion.” When people are tapping away during someone’s presentation, they’re not just distracted; they’re being disrespectful. Setting clear expectations creates an environment where people feel their contributions are valued.

6. Follow Up with Clear Next Steps and Deadlines

End every meeting by summarizing decisions made, actions required, who’s responsible for what, and specific deadlines. Send written follow-up within 24 hours. This clarity builds confidence because people know exactly what’s expected and when, eliminating the confusion that often follows poorly concluded meetings.

The Confidence Ripple Effect

When you lead meetings with preparation, respect, and intention, you create a ripple effect. People feel valued, they contribute more boldly, and the entire team’s confidence grows.

Next week, we’ll explore the other side: how to attend meetings in ways that build your own confidence and enhance your professional presence.