Category: Etiquette Articles

Everyone wants to work with people they enjoy being around. If you’re extremely likable, you’ll be able to attract new clients, create new friendships, and retain long-standing relationships with minimal effort.

Employers evaluate who they want to hire and continue to work with based on what I call the “BLT factor”: believability, likability, and trustworthiness. Prior to hiring a job candidate, employers will oftentimes think to themselves, Is Pamela going to be the best person for this job and will others enjoy working with her? 

It’s one thing to be competent, however, if you’re disliked or if people don’t trust you, they simply won’t want to work with you. 

Likability is the culmination of three traits: empathy, reliability and integrity. Here’s why each characteristic is important and what you can do to cultivate it.

Empathy: Empathy is your ability to relate to and understand someone else’s situation and perspective. Strong, enduring relationships are almost always built on empathy. It’s a life skill that requires self-awareness, practice and experience. The ups and downs of your personal and professional life will influence with whom you’re most capable of empathizing.

Common experience connects people through an instant bond and a shared level of trust. In my life, for example, I can empathize with others who have lost a job, started a business, survived cancer, struggled with finances, or been through a divorce because I too, have experienced those circumstances.

Just be aware, empathy does not mean you have to agree with others’ opinions or try to please everybody. Instead, consider the feelings of your employees, partners and colleagues when you make decisions. To cultivate this skill, react less, listen more and try to put yourself in the other person’s position. And never judge a book by its cover. You can’t possibly know what a person has been through unless you have walked a mile in his shoes.

Next time a client or employee is struggling, take a few moments to listen and, if you can relate, share a personal story. But don’t make it all about you.

Reliability: Customers reasonably expect businesses to be reliable, responsible and dependable. When you need help, you call whomever you know you can count on. Your customers, clients and coworkers do the same thing. Everyone wants to work with someone who can do his or her job well while keeping the project on time and on budget.

Some of the most successful companies in the world have a reputation for consistency. For example, if you are in New York and stop by a Starbucks in the way to the airport, you know that coffee will taste the same as the coffee you buy at your local Starbucks. It doesn’t matter where you are; every Starbucks delivers the same quality coffee, every time.

When I was in Shanghai, China a few years ago, I craved a little taste of home. I spotted a Häagen-Dazs ice cream parlor and went inside for dessert. Even though I was on the other side of the planet, this ice cream made me feel like I was in my own backyard.

Customers are attracted to the sense of security that comes from being able to count on someone or something. Certainty provides peace of mind and most people are willing to pay more for reliable service.

Whenever I need to ship a package overnight, I use FedEx. I’ve done business with FedEx for years and they’ve earned my trust. I never have to worry about my package being lost or delivered late.

Cultivate your reputation for reliability. Whenever you or your employees make a promise, deliver. If you can’t fulfill part of your responsibilities, let the client know as soon as possible. An unavoidable hiccup is forgivable; blatant misjudgment or deception is not.

Integrity: Lack of integrity has permeated our culture. It can be seen in politics, sports, business and entertainment. Integrity is the highest level of professionalism and behavior. It’s doing what you know is right, even if no one is looking. It’s standing up for what you believe in and having the courage to speak up, even if your opinion is unpopular.

American business magnate Warren Buffet said, “In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you.” Many people are smart and capable, but very few take the time to cultivate integrity. Those who do make a personal investment of time, energy and self-enhancement are paid back in big dividends.

All relationships, whether they be personal or professional, demand integrity and honesty. On some days, it may be difficult to always behave at your highest level, but it’s well worth the effort.vf

Choosing the proper closing can sometimes be tricky when you’re composing an email. Even though it only takes a second, you probably don’t give your closing a second thought. But if you want to come across as thoughtful, considerate and professional, it might be time to put some effort in the message you’re sending.

William Schwalbe, who co-authored Send: Why People Email So Badly And How To Do It Better, with David Shipley, believes a signoff is, to some very great degree, extremely important because it’s the final indicator of what your relationship is to the receiver.

Others believe email closings are largely determined by the setting of an email. For example, you might sign a message to your colleague with “Cheers” but use a more formal closing such as “Sincerely” with a prospective employer.

If you’re someone who obsesses over the proper professional email signoff, here are some closings to consider.

Sincerely

If you want to on the conservative side, especially in a situation where you want to make a professional first impression, use “Sincerely.” It works especially well when sending a job application and cover letter. Otherwise, this closing can come across as stiff and old-fashioned.

Best, Regards, Best regards, All the best

If you want to use a closing that covers the widest array of professional situations, a version of “best” or “regards” is usually a winner. These closings are suitable for any situation and you’re not going to offend anyone and you’ll still sound professional.

Warmly or Warm regards

This closing should only be used with someone you know well because it tends to have a warm and fuzzy feeling attached to it.

Cheers and Good wishes

These closings are effective when corresponding with close friends or when ending a celebratory email. But they shouldn’t be used excessively. They’re too informal for a lot of situations and can be misinterpreted and off-putting in the workplace.

Thanks, Thank you, and Thanks in advance

In an analysis of 350,000 email threads by email scheduling app Boomerang, any variation of “thank you” got significantly more responses than emails ending with other popular closers like “cheers,” “regards” and “best.”

Refrain from using “Thanks in advance” in all situations, especially if the person you’re emailing hasn’t agreed to do something. Thanking someone for a request that has not been completed can add coercive pressure.

As ever

If you want to go beyond the typical close, try the consistent message of “as ever” if you are friendly with the recipient and have gone through past exchanges. This is Schwalbe’s personal favorite because it covers personal and professional relationships and is “inherently reassuring.”

“It just means ‘Whatever we were before, we are still that. No worries, it’s all good,’” Schwalbe says.

When in doubt

If someone emails you first, just follow their lead. In other words, if the person ends their email with “Regards,” follow suit and you’ll never go wrong.

Skip the closing

A closer isn’t necessary if the email is part of an ongoing thread, but if it’s part of a new conversation it’s a necessary courtesy.

What is your favorite email closing and why?

Going on a trip this summer? Don’t leave your manners at home. Be sure to bring plenty of cash so you can reward the people who do a great job for you and make your vacation more enjoyable. Here are my 10 Commandments of Travel Tipping Etiquette.

1. Always tip unless tips are included in the service.

It’s customary in the United States to tip. It’s the way our system works, and many people depend on tips to pay their mortgage and put their children through school. So when you travel domestically (or unless you received poor service — more on that later), carry plenty of cash.

2. Find out if a service charge is already added.

Depending on where you travel, there may be a gratuity already included in the total bill. For example, if you order room service, an 18% service charge is most likely included. If you go on a cruise or go to an all-inclusive resort, the service charges are also included. Tipping above and beyond the service charge is optional, but always appreciated. And when in doubt, always ask.

3. Carry lots of single dollar bills.

Just before you leave on a trip, go to the bank and pull out $20-$30 in one-dollar bills. Most service providers prefer cash rather than credit.

4. Tip anyone who touches your bags.

Just about everyone you come into contact with, from the skycap at the airport to the bellhop at the hotel, should receive a few dollars. The amount will always depend on how many bags you have and if they are heavy or not. The rule of thumb is $1 a bag. If your bag is especially heavy or clumsy, then give an extra $2 or $3.

5. A 18-20 percent tip is the new norm.

Ten percent is too little, 15 percent is average, 18 percent is generous, and 20 percent is outstanding. If a person goes above and beyond or is extra helpful, tip more than 20 percent.

6. Discuss your dissatisfaction with a manager.

In the event you receive less than stellar service, talk to the manager and make sure the problem is not something out of your service provider’s control. For example, if you go to a restaurant and you’re unhappy with the long wait or the way your food turns out, don’t be so quick to take your frustrations out on your server. Instead, talk to the person in charge. The problem may result from something that happened in the kitchen. In other words, get the facts and then make a judgement call.

7. You’ll receive better service if you tip – especially if you tip well.

Money talks and kindness goes a long way. I’ve worked in the hospitality industry long enough to know that service providers will remember you and continue to give you the royal treatment if you’re extra kind or if you’re a good tipper. Besides, tipping is good karma.

8. Tip extra if someone goes above and beyond.

If you tip the bellman for delivering your bags to your room, and then he offers to get you some ice, give him another $1 or $2. This shows your appreciation for the additional effort.

9. Be quick to praise an outstanding employee.

Several years ago, I purchased a robe during one of my stays at the Four Seasons Resort and Club, Dallas at Las Colinas. On my way to the airport, I accidentally left my robe in a shopping bag in the trunk of my cab. When I went through security, I discovered the robe was missing. I quickly called the bell stand at the resort and the bellman miraculously tracked down the cab driver. A few days later, a package from the hotel arrived on my doorstep. Inside was my robe. I was so delighted with the extraordinary level of service I received, I wrote a thank-you note to the bellman and copied his manager and the general manager. Sometimes a good online review on social media or a handwritten note can mean more to someone than a monetary tip.

10. When in doubt, follow this list.

Still not sure whom to tip, when or how much? Follow this handy-dandy reference guide:

Tipping in Airports

• Taxi, Uber and Lyft drivers: 15-20 percent of the bill.
• Car service: 20 percent of the bill. In some cases, the tip is included. If you’re not sure, ask.
• Shuttle drivers: $1 per bag.
• Skycaps: $1 to $2 per bag.

Tipping in Hotels

• Doorman: $1 to $2 per bag for moving your bags from the car to the bell cart. Tip $1 to $2 dollars for hailing a taxi for you.
• Bellman: $1 to $2 per bag and $1 to $2 for every delivery to your room.
• Concierge: $10 or more for special services such as securing you a hard-to-get reservation to a popular restaurant.
• Housekeeper: Tip $2 to $3 per night, add an additional $1 to $2 for special requests or longer stays. If you have the same housekeeper throughout your stay, place the money in an envelope labeled “Housekeeping” at the end of your trip and leave it in a location where it can be easily seen, such as on a pillow or on the bathroom counter. If there are multiple housekeepers, tip each day.
• Room service: 15 to 18 percent of the bill before taxes. Tipping is optional if a service charge is included in the bill.
• Valet: $2 to $3 each time an attendant retrieves your car.
• Spa service: 18 to 20 percent of the bill.

Tipping in Restaurants

• Coatroom attendant: $1 to $2 per item.
• Maitre d’: $10 to $100 depending on the restaurant, occasion and level of service you expect. Present the tip before you sit down at your table.
• Wine sommelier: Gratuity is optional but recommended for extremely attentive or helpful sommeliers. A tip of 5 to 10 percent of the wine charge is appropriate.
• Restroom attendant: 50 cents to $1 for handing you a towel or if you use any products displayed on the sink.

At one time or another, we all lose a loved one or dear acquaintance. It is a sad fact of life that some of us deal with better than others — though pain can also be buried or reveal itself in a variety of ways.

At such devastating times, we need the comfort and support of our friends and family. But death is a painful topic of conversation for many people.

So what do you say to someone who is grieving?

And more importantly, what don’t you say?

1) Share a fond memory.

A happy, heartfelt story about a loved one helps the bereaved person focus on the happy memories instead of the sorrowful times.

“Jim was the most generous guy I ever met, especially when he helped me install my new sprinkler system last summer,” you might say to a friend. “I will always remember his thoughtfulness.” Specifics like these work wonders.

2) Say something or write a letter.

If you are at a loss for words, simply be honest and acknowledge that: “There are no words,” or “I wish there was something I could say to help ease your pain.”

If you aren’t comfortable saying anything, a warm hug can do wonders.

If you still aren’t comfortable expressing your condolences in person, you should do so in writing. It’s always appropriate (and good etiquette) to send a sympathy card or a letter just letting someone know you care.

3) Neutralize your comments. 

When you comfort someone with different beliefs, refrain from saying things like, “It was God’s plan,” and “God gained another angel.” You can seem insensitive when what you intend is the very opposite of that.

“He’s in a better place,” or “It was for the best,” may also come across as insensitive — especially to parents who have lost a child. When told her son was in a “better place” after losing him at birth, a friend of mine was far more upset than comforted.

Instead, you might say, “Just remember, I’m here for you.” Or, “Please know I’m holding you (and your precious baby) in my heart.”

4) Focus on the grieving person.

When someone loses a loved one, he is more concerned about his own grief — not yours. “I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mother last year,” or “I know what you’re going through,” are insignificant comments to the bereaved person. You probably don’t know how that person feels at all — since everyone grieves differently.

6) Respect the person’s privacy.

Most people are curious to know how a person passes away. However, don’t get too personal or invasive by asking questions. The cause of death may be irrelevant to the one who is grieving. Allow that person time to share the details with you when appropriate.

Some people may take longer to share details and, in that case, the best gifts you can give are space and time.

7) Lend a helping hand.

Actions often speak louder than words. Instead of saying, “Call me if I can do something for you,” take the initiative and just do it. Those who are grieving don’t want to make any more decisions than absolutely necessary, so they most likely won’t call you.

Offer to take the person out to lunch or to a movie. Offer to make food, buy groceries, clean the house, or help make phone calls. If they have small children, offer to take care of them if you are able. Your constant friendship and small favors will be more meaningful and beneficial in the long run.

8) Concentrate on the present, not the future.

It’s never a good idea to ask a widow or widower if they think they will marry again. Furthermore, never say, “I guess you can now join us for singles night,” “I’ve already picked out your next husband (or wife),” or “If you plan on selling your spare car — please keep me in mind.”

The bereaved person can do without these types of comments.

Imagine yourself in their shoes — what would help you most to hear?

One thing most people don’t know about me is that I have to “work” at networking. It doesn’t come easy to me and it can sometimes be downright uncomfortable at times.

I teach networking skills to business men and women all over the world and many of them experience the same anxiety I feel when I walk into a room full of strangers. Although I wouldn’t consider myself an introvert, I do empathize with many friends who are shy or intimidated when they are in social settings.

Networking can be challenging for anyone, but especially for introverts. If you’re an introvert, you probably tend to do well in smaller, more intimate settings, where you know one or more people. To help you improve your networking skills, here are several tips:

1. Temper expectations: Try not to set unrealistic expectations for how many connections you need to make. Networking isn’t a numbers game. It’s more about quality than quantity.
   
   
2. Plan ahead: Think of some good icebreakers, such as open-ended questions that can spur conversation. For instance, you could ask, “What’s your favorite part of your job?” or “How do you know the hosts of this event?”
   
   
3. Set a departure time: Decide when you’d like to leave a networking event ahead of time. This often makes the situation far less intimidating. You may get comfortable in the environment quickly and stay longer than you anticipated.
   
   
4. Use mutual contacts: If there is a specific person you want to meet, find a common connection, to see if he or she can introduce you. Rather than just approaching someone out of the blue, it helps to find a mutual acquaintance to foster a stronger relationship.
   
   
5. Use your listening skills: Introverts are known to be great listeners so you probably have a leg up on others who talk too much at networking events. Your listening skills will help you stand out as someone who values others’ comments and opinions, which can give people more of a reason to remember you.
   
   
6. Get personal: Asking multiple questions without ever sharing any information about yourself can make people feel as if they’re being interrogated. A conversations is like a two-way street. Share personal information, like your hobbies and interests, as a way to help others remember you once the event is over.
   
   
7. Practice: If you are nervous about networking, challenge yourself with no-risk or low-risk situations. Attend an out-of-town event where you don’t know anyone and then practice your networking skills. This will provide you with an opportunity to experiment with new conversations or stories.
   
   
8. Take baby steps: Not all networking needs to take place at a specific “networking” event. Take advantage of everyday situations. Casually socialize with colleagues around the office or invite a different coworker to lunch each week.

My hope is that these tips and other tips I share on Entrepreneur.com will give you more confidence and help you make more connections in your business and social life.

With the proliferation of social media, it seems that handwritten correspondences have gone the way of the dinosaurs. Yet don’t you remember the excitement of receiving a card or letter through the mail when you were young? It was tangible, handwritten in the script of the sender. You enjoyed holding it and how it felt.

A handwritten note can be picked up time and again to be reread for new understanding and connection. Many people. including me, keep their most treasured thank-you notes in a safe place. They remind us that someone cared enough to take the time to think of us.

Handwritten notes are just as relevant today, or even more so, as they were a hundred years ago. Here are some tips to crafting the perfect thank-you note.

1. Purchase quality stationery.

You’ll be more apt to write a quick thank-you note if you have nice note cards on hand. Purchase foldover or correspondence cards embossed with your own name. Customized note cards can be obtained through retail office supply stores or online specialty stationery stores. If you want to showcase your uniqueness and do something special for yourself, hire a calligrapher to design your stationery and capture your personal brand.

Master calligrapher Bernard Maisner, who designed my personal stationery and whose work has been featured in window installations at Tiffany’s and Bergdorf Goodman in New York, believes that calligraphy answers a demand for beauty and vitality that technology, however advanced, cannot. Calligraphy,” he says, “is not meant to reproduce something over and over. It’s meant to show the humanity, the responsiveness and variation within.”

2. Craft a relevant message.

In addition to writing “thank you,” acknowledge the recipient’s generosity and say a few words about how their action made you feel, or how you used or will use what you received. Reference a single moment that made an impact on you to make your message personal and heartfelt.

3. Don’t worry about being elegant.

A simply-written note makes more connection than awkward formality. Write from the heart as if you were speaking to the recipient in person. Keep it short and sweet.

4. Do it yourself.

A sincere nthank-you note cannot be outsourced to an assistant or online service. Don’t blow your opportunity to make a good impression with a canned presentation.

5. Always write by hand.

Even if you don’t have steller penmanship, do your best. The message will be felt through your words, regardless of how your handwriting looks. It helps to practice what you want to say by writing out your message on a plain piece of paper before putting it on your note.

6. Consider your sign-off.

In business letters, you generally sign “Sincerely” or “Best regards.” However, a more personal note deserves a more intimate send-off. Instead of using a redundant “thank you again,” consider a warmer closing such as “With sincere appreciation” or “Yours truly,” then sign your name.

7. Choose a decorative postage stamp.

Take the extra step of purchasing stamps from the post office. There are many designs available, from patriotic to commemorative to scenic. Select a few sets that expresses your personality. Just don’t run your thank you note through the postage machine.

8. Send it immediately.

The sooner you send the thank-you note, the better. Your promptness will be appreciated. It also demonstrates that even though you are a busy person, you still have time for the personal touch. If you forget to send your thank-you note, don’t be embarrassed about it. Instead, take action. It’s better received late than never.

The gifts we receive aren’t all tangible, but they can cost us a heavy price if we fail to say thanks. Whenever someone gives you their time, advice or helping hand, that’s reason enough to express your gratitude in a handwritten thank-you note. It’s one of the surest ways to make connections, strengthen emotional ties and forge friendships and business relationships.

Even the greatest leaders lack self-confidence at certain times. Self-confidence is not a static quality; rather, it’s a mindset that takes effort to maintain when the going gets rough. It must be learned, practiced and mastered just like any other skill. But once you master it, you will be changed for the better.

Here are six effective ways to promote your own self-confidence.

1. Act the part.

Your body language can instantly demonstrate self-assuredness, or it can scream insecurity. Present yourself in a way that says you are ready to master or take command of any situation. If you look confident and act the part you aspire to reach, you’ll not only feel in control, people will have much more confidence in you as well.

Hold your head high, sit up straight, gently bring your shoulders back to align your spine and look directly at the other person when interacting. Avoid a limp handshake and maintain good eye contact while someone is speaking to you.

2. Dress the part.

When you look better, you feel better. If you choose clothing and accessories that fit you well, suit your industry and lifestyle, and make you feel good, this will automatically increase your self-esteem. Look like the part you want to play, or in other words, suit up for success. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine in your accessories. Bold jewelry or a colorful tie can be a focal point and a good conversation starter.

3. Speak assertively.

The next time you listen to your favorite speaker, be mindful of the way he or she delivers a speech. A great speaker speaks confidently, in a steady, rhythmic tone. Instead of the “ums” and “ahs” that interrupt flow, they use pauses to emphasize ideas.

Adopt an assertive, but not aggressive, way of speaking that indicates your self-confidence. You will feel your self-esteem begin to rise. To be taken seriously, avoid high-pitched, nervous chatter or twittering giggles in your speech. People will listen to you more attentively when they see the leader radiate from within you.

4. Think and act positively.

Positive energy leads to positive outcomes, so set your mind to the can-do side of any situation, avoiding the negative self-talk that can make you feel less confident. Smile, laugh and surround yourself with happy, positive people. You’ll feel better and the people with whom you work will enjoy your company.

Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the high points of your day and your accomplishments. You will develop more peace and confidence when you are in a grateful state of mind.

5. Take action.

There’s more to being confident than just how you look. You must act the part. Walk up to a stranger at a networking event, or accept a project you’d normally reject. Practice being self-confident and soon it will become second nature.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear, while action breeds confidence and courage. As an exercise, jot down your strengths and weaknesses. Most people will tell you to work on your weaknesses, but use what you’ve got and capitalize on your strengths instead. Once you put more energy into your positive traits, your confidence will start to shine through.

6. Be prepared.

Remember the five P’s: Prior planning prevents poor performance. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel about your expertise and competency. Preparation will help you avoid getting tripped up by life’s unexpected glitches.

Learn everything you can about your industry, your subject matter, your goals and what drives you towards success. Before you start a task, first imagine how you want to feel once you’ve completed it. Don’t try to accomplish too much at once. Break complex tasks up into small, bite-size, manageable pieces.

As U.S. Army General Creighton Williams Abrams Jr. once said, “When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.” If you have patience and perseverance, you are only steps away from a more confident you.